I'm fat. Let me rephrase, before I get a boatload of evil stares - I FEEL fat. I know many of you will write me saying, "Stop it! You look fine! "You're beautiful." "You're not as fat as me." "Don't worry, it's all that turkey." "Don't be so vain!" "How can you write about this?"
Say all you want Void, but for me when the jeans which were loose two months ago can no longer be zipped, something's up. This is not a problem I've encountered before. Call me hyper, psycho, or crazy, but when the only pair of pants that fit comfortably are the black, stretchy kind you see people wearing to the gym - I start to freak out. When I freak out, I'm frustrated, angry and sad. When I'm sad the people around me are sad. So, in an effort to stop this - whatever it is - from spiraling to a dead halt at The Point of No Return, I'm starting my New Year's Resolution early. I thought I could "up the ante" and tell you, the Void, my plan so as not to be bested by my own personal failure to keep up with something. In other words, I need you to hold me accountable!! (If, of course, there's anyone out there who still reads this silly little blog, that is.)
So here's the plan:
Starting today, for twenty-five days, I'm putting myself on the road to a Happier, Healthier, and Not heftier Me. This plan has 3 Ultimate Goals: 1) Be happier. 2) Be healthier. 3) Be non-hefty.
How will I do that you ask? I'll tell you. No I'm not going to read a self-help book. I'm not going to get a shrink. I'm not going to buy a membership to an expensive gym. I'm going to do this:
1. Spend 15 minutes a day in the Bible and prayer.
(Sadly, I don't do this - I wish I did - What a perfect time to start!)
2. Drink 8 glasses of water daily.
(Some of you are wondering why this is a goal - if you know me at all, you know I'd drink coffee all day if I could. Doctor friends, I'm sorry you know the truth about me now.)
3. Exercise daily.
(I hate sweating. This one will be hard...but I figure if I combine some of the things I like to do with the things I hate doing, I can do it!)
4. Make healthy choices when it comes to food.
(OK, that's a given, but I'm writing it down for solidarity's sake.)
5. Do something creative daily.
(I'm leaving this one open ended - one never knows where the imagination will travel.)
I will track my progress with a daily checklist, weekly weigh-ins, and even blogs...
One final note, I know it's going to be rough out there. Christmas is around the corner - all the experts will tell me this is THE absolute worst time to start a plan like this - but I'm determined to prove them all wrong. You can help me, Void. Be my support group!
Thank-you and ttfn, I'm going to get started.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Friday, November 9, 2012
who are you?
There's something about rain in California which causes me to stop and think. When I stop and think I think too much. When I think too much I get deep and when I get deep...Void hears about it.
Who are you, Void? I heard it in a talk a few weeks ago. The speaker asked us, "Who are you?" "Write it down," he directed us, "Tell me who you are."
Surprisingly, or not, many of us answered the question this way. "I am a teacher," or "I am a student," or "I am a mom," or "I am a truck driver," or "I am the CEO."
The speaker told us we'd failed. "The answer to a question, 'Who are you?' is not what you do. That's the answer to the question, 'What do you do?'"
That made sense to me, so I thought and guessed the real answer would simply be my name. "I am Katie." The speaker must have been reading my mind because next he asked, "Who are you? In other words, Who is (fill in your name here.)"
Okay, if I'm not what I do, and I'm not my name...than who am I? Feeling a mix of anxiety and identity crisis over the fact that at age 26 I still didn't know WHO I was, I began to list all the words people use to describe me. I am this, I am that, Katie is this, Katie is that...but the speaker told me those answers were wrong too. "No, no, no...those are the answers to the question, 'What are you like?'"
Flustered and quite frustrated I started from the beginning. "Who am I? Well, I was born in Wisconsin. I have four siblings. My parents are ____ and ____. They still live in the town I was born in and are the best parents a person could ask for." Again, I was wrong. I was answering the question, "Where are you from?" not "Who are you?"
Complicated! If you are not what you do, you're not what your like, and you aren't where you're from, what is the real answer to the ominous question, "Who am I?"
That's when the speaker had us open our Bibles to Isaiah chapter 43, verse 1. It read, “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine." There it was! The answer we'd been searching for.
I'm not an absolutely fantastic employee.
I'm not exceptionally gifted in every sense of the word.
I'm not a Wisconsinite, a Utahan, or a Californian.
I'm better - I am God's.
I can stop looking for me under the piles of applications and resumes. I can stop defining myself through worldly views and critics. I can let all the things that have been said about me or will be said blow away on the breeze because I already know who I am. I am His. I always will be. There's nothing else to worry about because I'm just me and in Christ I'm perfect. That, my friend, is the best answer I could have heard all day.
On a final "note"...check out this song about you. Enjoy :)
Who are you, Void? I heard it in a talk a few weeks ago. The speaker asked us, "Who are you?" "Write it down," he directed us, "Tell me who you are."
Surprisingly, or not, many of us answered the question this way. "I am a teacher," or "I am a student," or "I am a mom," or "I am a truck driver," or "I am the CEO."
The speaker told us we'd failed. "The answer to a question, 'Who are you?' is not what you do. That's the answer to the question, 'What do you do?'"
That made sense to me, so I thought and guessed the real answer would simply be my name. "I am Katie." The speaker must have been reading my mind because next he asked, "Who are you? In other words, Who is (fill in your name here.)"
Okay, if I'm not what I do, and I'm not my name...than who am I? Feeling a mix of anxiety and identity crisis over the fact that at age 26 I still didn't know WHO I was, I began to list all the words people use to describe me. I am this, I am that, Katie is this, Katie is that...but the speaker told me those answers were wrong too. "No, no, no...those are the answers to the question, 'What are you like?'"
Flustered and quite frustrated I started from the beginning. "Who am I? Well, I was born in Wisconsin. I have four siblings. My parents are ____ and ____. They still live in the town I was born in and are the best parents a person could ask for." Again, I was wrong. I was answering the question, "Where are you from?" not "Who are you?"
Complicated! If you are not what you do, you're not what your like, and you aren't where you're from, what is the real answer to the ominous question, "Who am I?"
That's when the speaker had us open our Bibles to Isaiah chapter 43, verse 1. It read, “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine." There it was! The answer we'd been searching for.
I'm not an absolutely fantastic employee.
I'm not exceptionally gifted in every sense of the word.
I'm not a Wisconsinite, a Utahan, or a Californian.
I'm better - I am God's.
I can stop looking for me under the piles of applications and resumes. I can stop defining myself through worldly views and critics. I can let all the things that have been said about me or will be said blow away on the breeze because I already know who I am. I am His. I always will be. There's nothing else to worry about because I'm just me and in Christ I'm perfect. That, my friend, is the best answer I could have heard all day.
On a final "note"...check out this song about you. Enjoy :)
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Impressed by Finesse
Dear Governor Romney,
For the first time in my life as an eligible voter I am not voting in ignorance. In the past, I have looked at the platforms the day before I go to the polls and decided based on one or two issues, who I was going to choose as my president. This year, for the first time, I decided to cast an informed vote. For the first time, I decided to keep tabs on the debates, the news, Facebook pages, and Twitter. For the first time, I am interested to know WHO it is I'm actually voting for.
Unfortunately, even more-so than before, I am undecided and frustrated with the choices. People say, "Let your voice be heard!" "Make your voice count!" "Do your duty as a citizen." I will go to the polls this year because it is my privilege, my right, and my duty as an American citizen. However, it is difficult for me to say at this point if either candidate will get my vote. I'm disappointed in the actions of the candidates. In the last month I've heard, from both candidates, about how terrible the other man is and how much better "I" am going to be. I've heard bad-mouthing, mud-slinging, interrupting, insults to the heart, accusations of lying and more. More than that, I am a person who has always looked to her leaders as people who are caring of others...even their enemies. It makes me sad to watch the debates. In a world where everyone in our country has a voice, an opinion, questions, and answers, I did not feel last night's debate was about everybody else. Last night's debate, in my opinion, was rude, inconsiderate, and harsh. There was rudeness on the part of both candidates toward the people in that town hall and that does not impress me. Perhaps I got in the picture at the wrong time. I should have been following the politics for the last four years, instead of jumping in four weeks beforehand, when tensions are high and time is of the essence.
Governor, I am a voter impressed by finesse. I am a person who sees her leaders as people who will take her down the right path. That is not to say, I think my leaders should never make mistakes. We are human, that's what we do. That is not to say, I think my leaders should keep all their promises to us. Promises are made everyday and broken everyday, it's the world we live in. We can have an agenda, but it is oftentimes God's agenda we live by. But, all that being said, I trust that you are a great leader. I know, because you have been in a leadership position much of your life. As a father, as a business man, as a leader of the state, I know you are a great leader because you have also said you are a caring man. I can see that you are a man of conviction and understanding of the American people. You, Governor and your running mate, have many morals which are noble and I agree with my whole heart.
I understand that during a debate it is difficult to be polite as many words are turned around and misunderstood. Manners aside, Governor Romney, I was impressed with your answer last night to the gentleman who asked, "Candidates, what is something that has been misconstrued about each of you? What would you like to say to debunk that right now?" Your answer was that you care about 100% of the American people. You care about 100% of what is going on in our lives. That answer stood out to me because I was looking for something in the debate that was not pointing fingers at the opponent, but rather self reflection and concern for us - the citizens of this country. A country, where things are not going well. A country, which is becoming scarier and scarier to live in. Your answer showed you have the right motives to be the president of this country. You have the absolute, pure motives of a leader who cares.
I am a voter who is impressed by finesse. Perhaps I'm the only one. Nevertheless, I have a voice. I have a decision to make at the polls. Right now, I'm undecided. Right now, I'm frustrated with the choices. But you have a decision to make also. You can decide to have my vote by being the person you are. Please continue to show you care. Know you have my respect and trust as a possible leader of this country. Don't prove it by pointing fingers. Prove it by using the evidence of your past. Prove it by helping us understand the answer to the question, "Who is Governor Romney?" Let us find the answer be, he is a carer, a giver, a servant, a man of integrity, a man who can lead with finesse.
Thank you for taking the time to read this message.
Sincerely,
Impressed by Finesse in California
For the first time in my life as an eligible voter I am not voting in ignorance. In the past, I have looked at the platforms the day before I go to the polls and decided based on one or two issues, who I was going to choose as my president. This year, for the first time, I decided to cast an informed vote. For the first time, I decided to keep tabs on the debates, the news, Facebook pages, and Twitter. For the first time, I am interested to know WHO it is I'm actually voting for.
Unfortunately, even more-so than before, I am undecided and frustrated with the choices. People say, "Let your voice be heard!" "Make your voice count!" "Do your duty as a citizen." I will go to the polls this year because it is my privilege, my right, and my duty as an American citizen. However, it is difficult for me to say at this point if either candidate will get my vote. I'm disappointed in the actions of the candidates. In the last month I've heard, from both candidates, about how terrible the other man is and how much better "I" am going to be. I've heard bad-mouthing, mud-slinging, interrupting, insults to the heart, accusations of lying and more. More than that, I am a person who has always looked to her leaders as people who are caring of others...even their enemies. It makes me sad to watch the debates. In a world where everyone in our country has a voice, an opinion, questions, and answers, I did not feel last night's debate was about everybody else. Last night's debate, in my opinion, was rude, inconsiderate, and harsh. There was rudeness on the part of both candidates toward the people in that town hall and that does not impress me. Perhaps I got in the picture at the wrong time. I should have been following the politics for the last four years, instead of jumping in four weeks beforehand, when tensions are high and time is of the essence.
Governor, I am a voter impressed by finesse. I am a person who sees her leaders as people who will take her down the right path. That is not to say, I think my leaders should never make mistakes. We are human, that's what we do. That is not to say, I think my leaders should keep all their promises to us. Promises are made everyday and broken everyday, it's the world we live in. We can have an agenda, but it is oftentimes God's agenda we live by. But, all that being said, I trust that you are a great leader. I know, because you have been in a leadership position much of your life. As a father, as a business man, as a leader of the state, I know you are a great leader because you have also said you are a caring man. I can see that you are a man of conviction and understanding of the American people. You, Governor and your running mate, have many morals which are noble and I agree with my whole heart.
I understand that during a debate it is difficult to be polite as many words are turned around and misunderstood. Manners aside, Governor Romney, I was impressed with your answer last night to the gentleman who asked, "Candidates, what is something that has been misconstrued about each of you? What would you like to say to debunk that right now?" Your answer was that you care about 100% of the American people. You care about 100% of what is going on in our lives. That answer stood out to me because I was looking for something in the debate that was not pointing fingers at the opponent, but rather self reflection and concern for us - the citizens of this country. A country, where things are not going well. A country, which is becoming scarier and scarier to live in. Your answer showed you have the right motives to be the president of this country. You have the absolute, pure motives of a leader who cares.
I am a voter who is impressed by finesse. Perhaps I'm the only one. Nevertheless, I have a voice. I have a decision to make at the polls. Right now, I'm undecided. Right now, I'm frustrated with the choices. But you have a decision to make also. You can decide to have my vote by being the person you are. Please continue to show you care. Know you have my respect and trust as a possible leader of this country. Don't prove it by pointing fingers. Prove it by using the evidence of your past. Prove it by helping us understand the answer to the question, "Who is Governor Romney?" Let us find the answer be, he is a carer, a giver, a servant, a man of integrity, a man who can lead with finesse.
Thank you for taking the time to read this message.
Sincerely,
Impressed by Finesse in California
Friday, September 21, 2012
13 million moments and counting
I did the math. I've been alive for 26 years.
That's 312 months. It also comes out to 1,352 weeks. Multiply by 7 and you get 9,490 days. In hours I've been alive for 227,760 of them. Thirteen-million-six-hundred-sixty-five-thousand-six-hundred is my age in minutes. Give or take a few days for the leap years, a few hours for today, and add the 9 months I was in my mommy's tummy - what we've got is significant time spent on this planet we like to call home.
Yesterday, my birthday, marked the 9,490th day. I was showered with moments of joy as friends and family called, texted and facebooked me wishes for a Happy Birthday! One friend put the day in perspective for me. "This is the day the Lord has made! Rejoice and be glad! Happy Birthday!" she texted. I'm so glad this person was wise to put "my day" back in the hands of the one who created this day. The one who gives us our time is the one who created time. She reminded me each day really belongs to God and no matter what every day is a gift from him.
I've been forgetful lately. I've been gumbly and grumpy, unappreciative, and just plain sad. I haven't been using my moments (all 13 million that have already passed) to remember who is really in control of this thing I like to call "my life." The Lord has given me a gift - the gift of life - as he does all people. Sometimes I've been wasting it by bemoaning it. I'm sorry for that. I know God forgives me. I will change. I hope you can forgive me too.
I've been walking this earth 13 million moments and counting. What happened in those moments? I'll tell you. I grew up in those moments. I was a daughter, a sister, a cousin, and a friend. I learned. I worked. I was a babysitter, lifeguard, a factory worker, a cashier, a teacher. I studied. I traveled. I wrote. I experienced. I moved. I discovered who I am, as I am, where I am. I loved. I fell in love. I became a wife. I was sometimes happy, sometimes sad, sometimes hurt, sometimes helping and sometimes just thinking. In all those moments - I came closer to my Lord.
In all the future moments I pray to keep His promise at the front of my mind each and every day - This is the day He has made! Rejoice and be glad! For it isn't the minutes we have but the way we spend our minutes that counts. Because of Jesus, I know I can be joyful in mine. I can persevere in the difficult minutes. I can gain character through the grinding minutes. I grow closer to my Savior in every minute I focus on Him rather than Me.
I heard it once said, "Life is a thank you note." Let my life be a thank you to my God for all he's done for me. Let my life be Yours. Let it be what You intended. Just as the old songwriter claims, "Let my moments and my days, ever flow in ceaseless praise." Give my life a label of thanks.
Thirteen million minutes and counting...Void, let's make 'em great!
Thursday, August 16, 2012
my place
Currently I sit at a table, in my dining room, in our house, in a city, in the state of California, in the country of the United States, on the continent of North America, in the Northern and Western Hemispheres, on the planet Earth, in the galaxy of the Milky Way, all part of this vast space we call The Universe. Depending how you look at it, I'm physically in 1 or a dozen places at once.
Mentally I am elsewhere. Mentally I am in a dozen places at once. My mind is a maze of wonderings. Now that we're here, what's next? What is my role as a supportive wife/friend/neighbor? Where do I fit into this giant scheme of a thing we like to call life? So much has changed in 6 weeks - where is my place? How does a person cook a good meal with out messing something up? Does anyone really find true joy in housework? How can I make this easier?
Before I get too worked up, I think to myself - Stop. I need a mental break. Perhaps that's what I've been doing wrong these last few weeks. I've been searching so hard to find a spot I fit in, I haven't taken the time I need with you. I haven't taken time to enjoy something I love. Something I'm good at. Something which gives me a voice outside of what goes on in this little house. I think it's something every human needs, young or old, working or not, man or woman, married or single - everyone likes to be good at something. I am good at this. I am good at putting thoughts onto screen. I'm sorry I've been away so long. I'm on my way back to you, Void, just be patient with me.
My place? I'm not sure just yet...but for now, for this moment in time, my place is here, writing to you...and I like it.
Mentally I am elsewhere. Mentally I am in a dozen places at once. My mind is a maze of wonderings. Now that we're here, what's next? What is my role as a supportive wife/friend/neighbor? Where do I fit into this giant scheme of a thing we like to call life? So much has changed in 6 weeks - where is my place? How does a person cook a good meal with out messing something up? Does anyone really find true joy in housework? How can I make this easier?
Before I get too worked up, I think to myself - Stop. I need a mental break. Perhaps that's what I've been doing wrong these last few weeks. I've been searching so hard to find a spot I fit in, I haven't taken the time I need with you. I haven't taken time to enjoy something I love. Something I'm good at. Something which gives me a voice outside of what goes on in this little house. I think it's something every human needs, young or old, working or not, man or woman, married or single - everyone likes to be good at something. I am good at this. I am good at putting thoughts onto screen. I'm sorry I've been away so long. I'm on my way back to you, Void, just be patient with me.
My place? I'm not sure just yet...but for now, for this moment in time, my place is here, writing to you...and I like it.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
don't blink
I used to think my life was going by in slow motion. Every day seemed to last three days. I had the same routine. I talked to the same people. I ate the same breakfast. I wore the same outfits day in and day out. But as of late it seems I've blinked and my whole life is different. In a matter of a moment my boring hum-drum life changed into a completely different animal. I'm on the adventure of a lifetime. Three days in and I can hardly believe it's already been three days. In some ways I'm waiting for life to slow down again, but I have a feeling life won't. Life has a way of doing that to you.
Some say your childhood is the best time of your life. I wonder if it feels that way because childhood takes so long to get through. Life has a way of snowballing on you. Or at least it does me. Childhood was great, don't get me wrong, but there were definite days when I longed to be grown up. High school was a little more of a blur and college even more-so. Then - BOOM - I fell in love and life started really happening - faster and faster and faster! It makes me wonder how much faster can it really get?
How 'bout you, void? Is your life trucking along at a 100mph pace? Or, are you waiting for your life to pick up the pace? Be careful, Void, don't blink or you might miss the moments which you've been waiting for since childhood. Don't blink, or you might miss the best parts...the quick parts...the exciting parts...the parts you'll want to remember until you die.
I guess that's why I'm thankful for you, Void. Thanks for letting me write down the parts I might easily forget otherwise.
Some say your childhood is the best time of your life. I wonder if it feels that way because childhood takes so long to get through. Life has a way of snowballing on you. Or at least it does me. Childhood was great, don't get me wrong, but there were definite days when I longed to be grown up. High school was a little more of a blur and college even more-so. Then - BOOM - I fell in love and life started really happening - faster and faster and faster! It makes me wonder how much faster can it really get?
How 'bout you, void? Is your life trucking along at a 100mph pace? Or, are you waiting for your life to pick up the pace? Be careful, Void, don't blink or you might miss the moments which you've been waiting for since childhood. Don't blink, or you might miss the best parts...the quick parts...the exciting parts...the parts you'll want to remember until you die.
I guess that's why I'm thankful for you, Void. Thanks for letting me write down the parts I might easily forget otherwise.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
knobby hobby
What are your hobbies? Seriously, I'm curious. I don't know if I have one and I'd like to know what yours are so I can decide if I have one too. When a person spends approxomately 93.445% of the little free time she has on the couch watching bad TV, it leaves very little room for a genuine hobby. So, I'm asking you, Void...What are your hobbies? How did they come about? And...how do I get one?
Watching TV is not a hobby. Of that I am certain. And sleeping is probably not something we should consider "a hobby" either. I wonder what a hobby is anyway? Let's ask our great nerd friend, Webster. Here's what he said: "hobby: noun - An activity or interest persued for pleasure or relaxation and not as a main occupation." Oh, well in that case...I guess maybe watching TV is a hobby...as long as you're not paid to do it.
Why this sudden interest in hobbies, you ask? This afternoon, I was engaged in a rather interesting and humorous conversation on the very subject and that's when I realized...I don't have a hobby. And I guess if everybody else has a hobby, I think I want one too. Even the students in my class have hobbies. I think making toys out of 2-dimentional pieces of paper could be considered a hobby. Reading is definitely a hobby. Perhaps losing one's pencil...is that a hobby? (maybe not since it doesn't bring much relaxation or pleasure.)
Do you think people of today have any of the same hobbies as people of yesterday? Have you ever met someone who enjoys bird-watching or stamp collecting? Maybe not. I would think with such a broad definition for the word hobby a person could invent a new hobby everyday. Today my hobby was watching old re-runs of Seinfeld on YouTube. Tomorrow I may make it a hobby to pull weeds in the front flower beds.
In the end, I guess it really doesn't matter what our hobbies are. What probably matters most is that we're willing to try new things and get new hobbies once our old ones have run their course. So, maybe I don't have hobby. Maybe you do. Maybe we both find time for relaxation and pleasure in this busy life we live. Maybe that's what's really important and healthy - making time for your hobby. I guess if your hobby ends up being napping on the couch...so be it, Void, so be it.
Watching TV is not a hobby. Of that I am certain. And sleeping is probably not something we should consider "a hobby" either. I wonder what a hobby is anyway? Let's ask our great nerd friend, Webster. Here's what he said: "hobby: noun - An activity or interest persued for pleasure or relaxation and not as a main occupation." Oh, well in that case...I guess maybe watching TV is a hobby...as long as you're not paid to do it.
Why this sudden interest in hobbies, you ask? This afternoon, I was engaged in a rather interesting and humorous conversation on the very subject and that's when I realized...I don't have a hobby. And I guess if everybody else has a hobby, I think I want one too. Even the students in my class have hobbies. I think making toys out of 2-dimentional pieces of paper could be considered a hobby. Reading is definitely a hobby. Perhaps losing one's pencil...is that a hobby? (maybe not since it doesn't bring much relaxation or pleasure.)
Do you think people of today have any of the same hobbies as people of yesterday? Have you ever met someone who enjoys bird-watching or stamp collecting? Maybe not. I would think with such a broad definition for the word hobby a person could invent a new hobby everyday. Today my hobby was watching old re-runs of Seinfeld on YouTube. Tomorrow I may make it a hobby to pull weeds in the front flower beds.
In the end, I guess it really doesn't matter what our hobbies are. What probably matters most is that we're willing to try new things and get new hobbies once our old ones have run their course. So, maybe I don't have hobby. Maybe you do. Maybe we both find time for relaxation and pleasure in this busy life we live. Maybe that's what's really important and healthy - making time for your hobby. I guess if your hobby ends up being napping on the couch...so be it, Void, so be it.
Monday, April 2, 2012
my God is not dead
Having 5 extra minutes of down-time this Monday morning, I think I'll write a little bit. I've been wanting to for some time now, but as many of you writers know, it's a hobby which takes more than just time. But this morning, the stars have aligned and I have something to write.
I have a question for you, Void. I came across it in our morning devotion and think it's worth sharing. If you had a choice to live your life over again (exactly as it went) or to die today...which would you choose? When I first read it my initial reaction was to die. Although I've lived a mere 25 years and I have not seen nearly as much tragedy or hardship as some 9 year-olds-see, I still think I would rather die than live it all over again. Even though my life has been filled with joys and adventure, blessings and pleasure, wonder and beauty...I still think I would chose death rather than to live each moment over again. My reasoning is this: the amazing joys and happiness I've felt, the fantastic experiences I've had, and the people I've met (or fallen in love with), can not compare to the joy, happiness, experience, and love I will have in heaven with my God. My God is not dead and he never will die. After my death is my real life. After death is when I will see God. "With my own eyes I shall see him." says Job, the great sufferer. And that, Void, is the greatest joy and pleasure of all. Wouldn't you agree?
K, that was my 5 minutes of thought for the day. Blessings to all of you in the wide-world!
I have a question for you, Void. I came across it in our morning devotion and think it's worth sharing. If you had a choice to live your life over again (exactly as it went) or to die today...which would you choose? When I first read it my initial reaction was to die. Although I've lived a mere 25 years and I have not seen nearly as much tragedy or hardship as some 9 year-olds-see, I still think I would rather die than live it all over again. Even though my life has been filled with joys and adventure, blessings and pleasure, wonder and beauty...I still think I would chose death rather than to live each moment over again. My reasoning is this: the amazing joys and happiness I've felt, the fantastic experiences I've had, and the people I've met (or fallen in love with), can not compare to the joy, happiness, experience, and love I will have in heaven with my God. My God is not dead and he never will die. After my death is my real life. After death is when I will see God. "With my own eyes I shall see him." says Job, the great sufferer. And that, Void, is the greatest joy and pleasure of all. Wouldn't you agree?
K, that was my 5 minutes of thought for the day. Blessings to all of you in the wide-world!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
best words I'll ever hear
I'm not good at saying sorry. That's just it. Okay, well sometimes it's easy. For example, I can easily say "I'm sorry" when I've randomly run into someone in the the busy mall. "I'm sorry" easily rolls off the tounge when I've taken the last dessert at family dinner. It's easy to say, "Excuse me," as I squeeze inbetween movie seats while bobbling a large popcorn and diet soda. I can easily say, "I'm sorry, but you'll have to do your homework first before you do anything else," to the twenty pairs of eyes in my classroom five days a week. But saying, "I'm sorry for those things I said. I know it really hurt you and I didn't mean it." That's hard. It's hard to admit I'm wrong, and after I admit that to myself, I don't really want anybody else to know. I especially don't want the person who I thought I was right with in the first place to know...sound familiar? Or am I alone in my ways?
Maybe you can relate. The stage in sorry I struggle with most is realizing everything I said or did in the moment was utterly, completely, wrong and the opposite of great. The moment I realize I made someone I care about or a group of people who trust me, hurt in a way that is deep and personal, that is the momentn I dread.
The second worst stage in saying sorry is gathering the courage to actually out-and-out say it. So many thoughts go through my head: How will I say this? How can I explain what I did? What if they don't want to listen? What if this person is so hurt it's going to take time to heal? What if I can't get the words out? And worst to of all...what if they don't forgive me?
After the hours of worry have passed and the courage to say the words is just appearing, the third stage of sorry proves difficult as well: confrontation. Now, I have to find that person and bring it up in a conversation. I call and leave a message. I send an e-mail. Finally, I do everything necessary to get that person alone and cornered just to say, "Hey, I'm really sorry for ___________________."
Finally, after all those steps, all the stuggle, all the pain, all the tossing and turning...the conversation lasts maybe 10 seconds. "I'm so sorry I said those things." Pause, smile, nod, and then the best words I'll ever hear, "It's okay, I forgive you." With those three simple words, I am released of my worrry and struggle. My feelings of guilt are gone and I'm free to be me again. What wonderful words! What beautiful words! I breath a huge sigh of relief as I realize I'm not horrible in this person's eyes. All is forgiven and I am loved...a lot...by many.
Most improtantly, I'm loved and forgiven by a God who has disregarded my sins as never happening. It's because of my great God that I can be fogiven by others in the first place. The best words I'll ever hear - I forgive you. Thank-you Jesus!
Maybe you can relate. The stage in sorry I struggle with most is realizing everything I said or did in the moment was utterly, completely, wrong and the opposite of great. The moment I realize I made someone I care about or a group of people who trust me, hurt in a way that is deep and personal, that is the momentn I dread.
The second worst stage in saying sorry is gathering the courage to actually out-and-out say it. So many thoughts go through my head: How will I say this? How can I explain what I did? What if they don't want to listen? What if this person is so hurt it's going to take time to heal? What if I can't get the words out? And worst to of all...what if they don't forgive me?
After the hours of worry have passed and the courage to say the words is just appearing, the third stage of sorry proves difficult as well: confrontation. Now, I have to find that person and bring it up in a conversation. I call and leave a message. I send an e-mail. Finally, I do everything necessary to get that person alone and cornered just to say, "Hey, I'm really sorry for ___________________."
Finally, after all those steps, all the stuggle, all the pain, all the tossing and turning...the conversation lasts maybe 10 seconds. "I'm so sorry I said those things." Pause, smile, nod, and then the best words I'll ever hear, "It's okay, I forgive you." With those three simple words, I am released of my worrry and struggle. My feelings of guilt are gone and I'm free to be me again. What wonderful words! What beautiful words! I breath a huge sigh of relief as I realize I'm not horrible in this person's eyes. All is forgiven and I am loved...a lot...by many.
Most improtantly, I'm loved and forgiven by a God who has disregarded my sins as never happening. It's because of my great God that I can be fogiven by others in the first place. The best words I'll ever hear - I forgive you. Thank-you Jesus!
"For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” Jeremiah 31:34
Saturday, March 3, 2012
confessions
i have a favorite person.
i know it isn't fair.
"don't play favorites" says, mom.
i don't care.
'cuz i have a favorite person
exactly right for me.
this person makes me laugh,
cry and see
things in a brand new light,
a way i never would.
i can joke and just be
as i never knew i could.
my favorite is genuine,
creative, neat, and smart,
knows when some thing's wrong,
and how then to sooth my heart.
so...
i have a favorite person.
and...
i know it's not fair.
but...
i have a favorite person,
and...
i'm thinkin' somewhere...
out there...
you do too!
i know it isn't fair.
"don't play favorites" says, mom.
i don't care.
'cuz i have a favorite person
exactly right for me.
this person makes me laugh,
cry and see
things in a brand new light,
a way i never would.
i can joke and just be
as i never knew i could.
my favorite is genuine,
creative, neat, and smart,
knows when some thing's wrong,
and how then to sooth my heart.
so...
i have a favorite person.
and...
i know it's not fair.
but...
i have a favorite person,
and...
i'm thinkin' somewhere...
out there...
you do too!
Friday, March 2, 2012
a stronger me
It started last Friday - just a little soreness near the back of my throat and a headache. It was nothing a little over-the-counter drug couldn’t cure. I slept through the weekend and thought I was feeling better by Sunday. Sunday night, that little soreness turned into a big soreness and I resolved to sleep it off. Hitting the pillow early, I prayed for health with the sunrise. Sunrise came and much to my disappointment, the twinge wasn’t letting go. I dragged myself to the sink for more pain killers and bumbled off to school.
The kids could tell there was something wrong. My voice was hoarse. I was weak. I taught most of the day sitting down. By noon, I could tell I had a fever and at the day’s end, I went wild to clean-up, pack-up, and head out the door before my body said, “Throw-up!”
Home at last, barely able to swallow, I downed some tea and more ibuprophen, called the doctor and took a nap. My nap lasted four days. This morning, after negative results with both a strep and mono test, two antibiotic shots to the rear, a prescription of antibiotics and orders to rest, drink fluids, and take Tylenol as needed, I’m on my way back to a healthy me!
This morning, on my last day of recovery, I opened my devotional book which had gone by the wayside in my sickened stupor and read the designated text for March 2. I was surprised to find a very fitting passage: It’s important for believers to be tested by trials. Without these tests, our faith would grow cold and weak. It could eventually disappear completely. But if we are tested with hardships, we will discover what faith is and will be strengthened in our knowledge of Christ. We will become so strong that even when we have troubles and anxieties, we can be just as happy as we are in good times. We can look at each hardship as if it were a cloud or a fog that will soon vanish. -Martin Luther
This, Void, is not what we call coincidence. This is what we call God’s will. It was his will that I get amazingly down-and-out sick for four days. It could have been his will I begin to feel better on the day I read this wonderfully comforting passage. God works in all kinds of hardships. For me, being “out of commission” for four days, was very hard to accept.
But it was nothing compared to what you may go through every day of your life. Perhaps you are hurting deeply inside with emotional pain. Perhaps you endure sickness that is ongoing and has no cure. Perhaps you have lost a dearly loved one in a sudden accident. Perhaps you are far away from those you love the most. Perhaps you are victim of someone else’s crime. Perhaps you face danger day in and day out with no hope of change.
No matter your struggle, it’s only there to make you stronger. Again, But if we are tested with hardships, we will discover what faith is and will be strengthened in our knowledge of Christ. How can I not look to the cross in the face of difficulty and say, “Thank-you, Jesus.”? Perhaps it took a week of sickness for me to learn that simple truth, in times of hardship and adversity, when the rest of the world seems so foreign, my Lord is there, hugging me closer to him.
What a great God he is!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
a happier me
I recently read an article about being happier everyday. There were 5 steps:
1. Make a list of good things in your life.
2. Journal for 5 minutes about one positive thing everyday.
3. Pray
4. Random Acts of Kindness
5. Talk to someone you love.
Five simple, short, to the point steps...and you're on the road to a happier life. Easier said than done my friend, easier said than done. Today, I'm going to do them because today I want to be happier.
#1) Jesus, smiling kiddos, sunshine, Utah, Prince of Peace, my job, my family, my guy, and coffee
#2) Start - 11:43
Today I was able to play "scoop ball" with one of my students at recess. This young man is specifically challenged in this sport. Do you know what scoop ball is? Each player has a large plastic "net" in which you scoop up a plastic ball. The "net" makes throwing and catching the ball much easier. This particular student had a hard time with the game in the first few weeks of school. Here in the 24th week, I saw so much improvement! He was throwing AND catching the ball very well. He even congratulated me on my "skills." I found myself smiling more and more through out the playtime...and so was he. :)
Stop - 11:48
#3) Tonight I'm going to pray for three things: forgiveness, patience, and perseverance.
#4) Today I picked up after 20 children for 7 hours...does that count?
#5) Today I talked to my friend, Katherine, about my wedding...sometimes it makes me feel good knowing someone else is interested in my life. Today Katherine was that for me. Thanks Katherine!
Well, that wasn't so hard. Maybe this won't be such a battle after all.
Good night, Void.
1. Make a list of good things in your life.
2. Journal for 5 minutes about one positive thing everyday.
3. Pray
4. Random Acts of Kindness
5. Talk to someone you love.
Five simple, short, to the point steps...and you're on the road to a happier life. Easier said than done my friend, easier said than done. Today, I'm going to do them because today I want to be happier.
#1) Jesus, smiling kiddos, sunshine, Utah, Prince of Peace, my job, my family, my guy, and coffee
#2) Start - 11:43
Today I was able to play "scoop ball" with one of my students at recess. This young man is specifically challenged in this sport. Do you know what scoop ball is? Each player has a large plastic "net" in which you scoop up a plastic ball. The "net" makes throwing and catching the ball much easier. This particular student had a hard time with the game in the first few weeks of school. Here in the 24th week, I saw so much improvement! He was throwing AND catching the ball very well. He even congratulated me on my "skills." I found myself smiling more and more through out the playtime...and so was he. :)
Stop - 11:48
#3) Tonight I'm going to pray for three things: forgiveness, patience, and perseverance.
#4) Today I picked up after 20 children for 7 hours...does that count?
#5) Today I talked to my friend, Katherine, about my wedding...sometimes it makes me feel good knowing someone else is interested in my life. Today Katherine was that for me. Thanks Katherine!
Well, that wasn't so hard. Maybe this won't be such a battle after all.
Good night, Void.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
all he asks is, "call me up"
Every Friday morning is Memory Treasure recitation in my classroom. Essentially it works like this: I call the grade. The children in that grade line up at my desk and one-by-one recite the Bible passage they were assigned for that week. I especially enjoy this time of the day, because it give me just a few seconds of one-on-one with each child studying and learning God's Word together. In addition, I usually come out of it with something to ponder, or at the least, smile about. Yesterday I did both.
Yesterday's passage for my first graders was the first part of Psalm 50:15, "Call upon me in the day of trouble." Eight words with tremendous weight and comfort. As I sped through listening to each six-year-old voice I was quickly halted at the very last reciter. Timid and shy, this little boy was pretty unsure, but after two deep breaths, a swallow, and an eyebrow crunch, he murmured, "Psalm 50:15, Call me up in the day of trouble."
Now, normally, I'm one to correct a mix-up of wording. Normally, I stop the child, say, "Try once more, think." Not this time. I smiled. I said, "Very nicely done!" I gave him his sticker and sent him on his way.
What the child had recited had not changed the meaning of the comforting words our Lord breathed. I found myself thinking later that day, and still now, how easy it is for us to forget that God is just a "phone call" away. There is never a time, a place, or situation we cannot close our eyes and talk to God. You can "call him up" anytime day or night and he will answer. The call will not go to voice mail. You do not have to leave a message. He always returns text messages and he never fails to pick up the phone.
Our God is faithful. Our God is strong. Our God is trustworthy. And because of all those things, I'll never think of Psalm 50:15 in any other way than the way this wise first grader interpreted it. I'll "call him up" in any kind of trouble - because he answers me.
Yesterday's passage for my first graders was the first part of Psalm 50:15, "Call upon me in the day of trouble." Eight words with tremendous weight and comfort. As I sped through listening to each six-year-old voice I was quickly halted at the very last reciter. Timid and shy, this little boy was pretty unsure, but after two deep breaths, a swallow, and an eyebrow crunch, he murmured, "Psalm 50:15, Call me up in the day of trouble."
Now, normally, I'm one to correct a mix-up of wording. Normally, I stop the child, say, "Try once more, think." Not this time. I smiled. I said, "Very nicely done!" I gave him his sticker and sent him on his way.
What the child had recited had not changed the meaning of the comforting words our Lord breathed. I found myself thinking later that day, and still now, how easy it is for us to forget that God is just a "phone call" away. There is never a time, a place, or situation we cannot close our eyes and talk to God. You can "call him up" anytime day or night and he will answer. The call will not go to voice mail. You do not have to leave a message. He always returns text messages and he never fails to pick up the phone.
Our God is faithful. Our God is strong. Our God is trustworthy. And because of all those things, I'll never think of Psalm 50:15 in any other way than the way this wise first grader interpreted it. I'll "call him up" in any kind of trouble - because he answers me.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
the safe road
My great friend, Monica, and I went skiing in Utah today. It was a wonderfully snowy day. The sun was not shining. The wind was blowing. The snow was deep. And the air was a balmy 27 degrees. On 131 inches of mountain powder, we spent five hours and 62 dollars going up and coming down a 10,000 foot Wasatch mountain. At the end of our day, we were satisfied, exhausted, and ready for a warm cup of hot cocoa...but not so fast. Someone had other plans.
Because of the snow and the wind and the cold, our very fulfilling day on the mountain turned into a rather frustrating drive down. Bumper-to-bumper we rode, taking over an hour to travel what normally takes a mere 20 minutes. We joked it would be better to ditch the truck and ski down the mountain. Not to be bested by the elements, we followed suit with the rest of humanity. Just then, disaster struck.
Forced into submission by the inching vehicles ahead of us, we soon found ourselves in a not-so-great situation. Void, did you know it is possible to get in an accident traveling too slowly? I didn't. Two cars ahead of us, a small four-door was obviously causing an issue. At 2 mph, our Trailblazer wasn't fit for the job. Going downhill, riding on slush, with a ton of weight, a slippery situation ensued. Before we knew it, our vehicle just...slipped. Right into the railing. Just like that. It was as if we were an egg that had just been cracked into a frying pan. SLIP! And there we were. Me, my great friend, a guard rail, and a very steep cliff. I have to tell you, I was a little scared out of my mind. I was also praising God for road construction men who know exactly where to put the railings.
I'm not going to explain what happened next. Long story short - Monica, with skill and adaptability, was able to guide the vehicle back onto the road safely, and here I sit today...alive to tell the Void about it.
In the past month, I've been in two could-have-been-nearly-fatal-under-other-circumstances car incidents and one slightly not-so-fatal fender bender. As I look back on the past month: a ditch mishap, a rear-view mirror mistake, and the guard rail rendezvous, I am happy to report that in each situation all parties (myself, driver, and any other vehicles involved) were unhurt and only temporarily shaken. I am happy and grateful.
Everyday our very life is on a balance. It only takes one accident and that's it. EVERY TIME you get into a moving vehicle, whether that be a car, a truck, an ATV, or a canoe, you are putting your life at risk. You are putting your life in the hands of the operator of that vehicle and in the hands of all the other drivers on the road...or lake I suppose. 99 out of 100 times, you are just fine. But it only takes once and that's it. You're history.
I, for one, am thankful for guard rails today. Even more-so I'm thankful I have a Lord and Savior who loves me. Tomorrow when I get into a moving vehicle, I'm going to say a prayer. "Dear God, keep me safe on my way." Perhaps accidents (and just near-ones) are God's way of getting us to talk to him more. I'm okay with that and am looking forward to the day I get to talk to him face-to-face and personally thank him for all the times he sent some angels to keep my car on the road.
On this snowy night in Utah, I pray you, Void, have some angels keeping you safe on your road. Safe travels!
Because of the snow and the wind and the cold, our very fulfilling day on the mountain turned into a rather frustrating drive down. Bumper-to-bumper we rode, taking over an hour to travel what normally takes a mere 20 minutes. We joked it would be better to ditch the truck and ski down the mountain. Not to be bested by the elements, we followed suit with the rest of humanity. Just then, disaster struck.
Forced into submission by the inching vehicles ahead of us, we soon found ourselves in a not-so-great situation. Void, did you know it is possible to get in an accident traveling too slowly? I didn't. Two cars ahead of us, a small four-door was obviously causing an issue. At 2 mph, our Trailblazer wasn't fit for the job. Going downhill, riding on slush, with a ton of weight, a slippery situation ensued. Before we knew it, our vehicle just...slipped. Right into the railing. Just like that. It was as if we were an egg that had just been cracked into a frying pan. SLIP! And there we were. Me, my great friend, a guard rail, and a very steep cliff. I have to tell you, I was a little scared out of my mind. I was also praising God for road construction men who know exactly where to put the railings.
I'm not going to explain what happened next. Long story short - Monica, with skill and adaptability, was able to guide the vehicle back onto the road safely, and here I sit today...alive to tell the Void about it.
In the past month, I've been in two could-have-been-nearly-fatal-under-other-circumstances car incidents and one slightly not-so-fatal fender bender. As I look back on the past month: a ditch mishap, a rear-view mirror mistake, and the guard rail rendezvous, I am happy to report that in each situation all parties (myself, driver, and any other vehicles involved) were unhurt and only temporarily shaken. I am happy and grateful.
Everyday our very life is on a balance. It only takes one accident and that's it. EVERY TIME you get into a moving vehicle, whether that be a car, a truck, an ATV, or a canoe, you are putting your life at risk. You are putting your life in the hands of the operator of that vehicle and in the hands of all the other drivers on the road...or lake I suppose. 99 out of 100 times, you are just fine. But it only takes once and that's it. You're history.
I, for one, am thankful for guard rails today. Even more-so I'm thankful I have a Lord and Savior who loves me. Tomorrow when I get into a moving vehicle, I'm going to say a prayer. "Dear God, keep me safe on my way." Perhaps accidents (and just near-ones) are God's way of getting us to talk to him more. I'm okay with that and am looking forward to the day I get to talk to him face-to-face and personally thank him for all the times he sent some angels to keep my car on the road.
On this snowy night in Utah, I pray you, Void, have some angels keeping you safe on your road. Safe travels!
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