my shoes fit me

The drive to and from my work is about 20 minutes each way.  In the mornings I enjoy listening to a local radio station for news, gossip and an occational catchy tune.  My evening commute is spent on the phone with family members or friends I haven't heard from in awhile.  Today was a usual day.  On the drive home I called on a good friend I'd chatted with a little over a month ago.  The conversation was nothing out of the ordinary.  There were similar jokes exchanged, usual questions asked, familiar chuckles heard, and as always, my friend left me with something to chew on. 

"Wouldn't it be crazy if we could swap lives just for one day?"

At the time I laughed it off, not really grasping the depth of this thought.  But now, as I attempt to put my thoughts to bed, I find the notion to be the extreme of deep. I begin to wonder...what would it be like: to walk in the shoes of a stranger?  to think differently?  to feel differently?  to see differently?  to literally wear some other person's skin?  I've often prided myself in the skill of searching to understand others by imagining myself in their place.  But to physically lace up the shoes of another would be a whole new set of sticks.

I bet wearing a different pair of shoes for a day could be a great adventure.  In another pair of shoes, I could easily see the things I've always wanted to see.  In other shoes, I would find my self standing in places I've never stood or running in races I'll never run in.  I could meet people I wouldn't otherwise meet.  In newer, nicer, snazzier shoes, I might even enjoy life from a different point of view.

On the other hand, wearing other shoes could also be painful.  I might find myself sitting on a curb I'd never imagined myself on before.  I may end up stubbing my toe on things I didn't know existed.  I could see myself wearing holes in the soles by choices I'd make.  There is a strong possibility I'd end up loathing my new kicks and wishing for my comfortable old ones back.

The truth is, Void, as I lay here in bed mulling it over, I find I'm content in the shoes I wear now.  I like them.  I'm proud to call them mine.  It's no lie - they do give me trouble from time to time.  Sometimes the laces are a little too tight.  Sometimes they don't always go with the outfit right away.  Sometimes these shoes have a mind of their own and I feel I have absolutely no control.  But in the end, they fit me.  They work for me.  They keep my feet dry.  They don't hurt or give me blisters.   I hate to be selfish, but I don't think I'd give my shoes away to anyone.  Not even for a day.  My shoes I wear are a gift.  They were given to me so I could live life in them.  Other people's shoes don't always fit. No, I'll stick with shoes that fit.

sorry, gym, we need to break up

I ended it with Gym today.  It was only a matter of time.  I’d been seeing less and less of him lately. Yet, he still insisted on taking things from me.  One might argue he wasn’t being any trouble.  Of course when I did seldom see him the time we spent together was meaningful and good for me, but the things he took were too important to me.  It’s true, I’ll admit it, I cannot sacrifice my money for Gym.  My conscience won’t let me. 

This isn't the first time Gym and I have had this fight.  About a month ago I tried to approach the subject of seeing other people and exercise venues, but Gym wasn’t ready yet.  He begged and pleaded with me, “Please don’t leave me!”  So I said I would stay - if he promised to take less of my belongings.  He agreed…he would only take $26.95/month instead of the regular $32.50.  Part of me wanted to say it wasn’t worth it, but my more sympathetic side decided he’d had enough disappointment for one day.

One month later I was out $26.95 and I had not seen one minute of Gym.  However, Canyon, Mountain, Trail, and Sunshine, had my complete attention.  I felt dishonest.  I felt awful.  I felt it was silly to keep leading Gym on by allowing him to take my money when he was not getting any attention in return.  I was feeling badly about it too.  Gym should be able to see how he was helping me.  If I never showed up for any of our dates, it just wasn't fair.  I did what anyone would have done.  I left him.

It was a longer conversation than I would have liked it to be.  Again, he tried to coax me into staying longer.  He apologized up and down for not being what I’d expected.  He even suggested a break!  He would agree to not see me for up to 6 months if I agreed to give him just $7.00 a month.  That was the last straw.  I had to be firm.  I had to be assertive.  I had to stick to my guns.  Finally, I just told him flat out, I didn't love him and I wanted to see other Gyms.  That was it.  End of conversation.  Now I’m free.

I happen to believe a girl needs to be in love with her Gym if she's going to stay with it.  This Gym was just not the one for me.  Next fall I'll begin the search for a Gym I can be myself with.  A Gym that has everything I need and makes me feel like a million bucks.  Until then, I'll stick with the places I know I already love.  Hello, Mountain.  Hello, Trail.  Hello, Canyon.  Hello, Sunshine.  Hello, FREE!

come share my easter joy

Because the sinless Savior died, My sinful soul is counted free. 

For God, the Just, is satisfied, He paid the debt and pardoned me. 

-Behold the Throne, by Shane and Shane

Easter tidings
Among the
Sighings, on lips of
Tall and small ones.
Everyone:
Rejoice in knowing,

Jesus
Opened holy gates for old'uns and the
Young'uns.

I can tell you
Someone loves you, more than

You may ever know.
One day soon your eyes will
Understand, the
Richness his works
Show.

Today is Easter Sunday.
On this day we rejoice.
Down from the cross came Jesus,
Away with sin and disgrace.
Yours is the gift of heaven, an everlasting place.

Glory be to Jesus, the risen Christ, and Savior of our race!

what are you waiting for?

Life is full of waiting.  Take a moment to stop and think.  You wait:  at traffic lights, in grocery stores, at Starbucks, on the phone, in movie theatres, at restaurants, in amusement parks,  on Black Friday, for next week's episode, in the post office, at the doctor's office, maybe at your office, always at your shrink's office,  sometimes at the gym, and worst of all for the longest of all (after waiting to grow up),  you wait in airports.

Naturally, all this perpetual waiting you do everyday catalysts a sense of urgency from the masses.  For nobody really likes to wait, do they? "Do it faster!"  America screams.  "Okay!"  the people say. And a smorgasbord of "make it quick" inventions begins to accumulate:  Seven lanes of traffic, Speedy Check-Out 10 items or less, DRIVE-THRU, touch-tone phones, texting, buy it online, Hulu.com, McDonald's, send it Express, WebMD, the home gym, and online check-in with Delta.  Wait!  I'm talking so fast I'm exhausted.  Aren't you?  Unfortunately, even with high-speed, double-decker-dosage of 4G Internet, there you are still stuck in wait.  In a century when technology has infiltrated so many portions of human life and nearly everything can be available at the touch of a button, still you wait.  Perhaps it's only nanosecond, still it is waiting.

Whether you are waiting for your turn with the cashier at check-out, the next best seats behind home plate, the love of your life, or for your life to begin, you are waiting.  However, you only wait until you get what you waited for.  After that you can stop.  Or can you?  How long is it before you find yourself waiting for something else?  And after you get that thing what is the next thing you will wait for?

Void, are you a skilled waiter?  If you are not you may be surprised to find you will become an award-winning champion at the sport.  Much of life will be spent doing just that - waiting.  In the meantime, remember this: somewhere out there, a person, much like you, is doing the  Exact.  Same.  Thing.  And she is living up every minute of it.  That person, dear Void, is me.

more to life...

My work is done, the house is clean, the yard is raked, the garage is swept, the groceries are put away, and now it's time to blog.  But, what more is there to say?  Has it not all been said already?  My list was brief, short and sweet, yet mostly boring.  If you are reading this and continue to do so in the months to come, you will find my life is just that - mostly boring.  I work.  I clean.  I do life like any other single gal in Salt Lake City.  I live.  This day, however, I noticed a certain reflection as I went about my daily tasks.  Today is a day I stop and remember, there is more to life than life itself.

Today is Good Friday, the Goodest of Fridays.  Today, my Jesus, erased all my feelings of hopelessness and doubt.  Today, my Friend of friends, was pierced for the wrongs I have done.  Today, my King, showed the world how to truly love an enemy.  Today, my Savior, died to pay the price for me. 

Greater love has no man than this: that he lay down his life for his friends. -John 15:13

Every other day is a day to work on the important things.  Every other day is a day to stress.  Every other day is a day to experience something new.  This is a day to remember the gift of his love.  His love for me.  His love for you.  In a few short days I will see his love and glory and splendor and might as he rises again for me.  For my life.  He died so I could live.  I'll live it until the day he comes back to take me to my real life.  The life without work, or raking, or sweeping, or weeping, or stress.  The life I receive trumps all joys on Earth.  That life will be perfect.

Christ has died.  Christ is risen.  Christ will come again! 

something new...

years ago, a diary was private.  a diary held private thoughts recorded over time by a person intending to put thoughts into written words.  a diary was not intended to be read by others.  a diary encapsulated the secret, pensive feelings of the author.  yet, in time, many diaries have found the path to publication.  i suppose that is all a blog is really, a published diary.  a freely published diary.

i have kept a journal for years.  stacks of oddly shaped notebooks scatter my closets.  i find writing to be therapeutic and refreshing.  i enjoy re-reading previous entries, often rejoicing in how much that girl has grown up.  as the stacks begin to grow taller, i begin to wonder how many more stacks i can store before this hobby becomes a condition otherwise known as "hording."

therefore, i have made the decision to leave the journals where they lay and start anew with this blog.  in many ways, this blog could be the end of my wonderment.  by storing my journals on the void we call the Internet, i may continue my therapeutic ramble without the constipated mess in my limited closet space.  and maybe, just maybe, someone out there will find joy in re-reading entries with me a time or two.  perhaps...perhaps, not.  it does not matter, i have started a new journal.  a new journal mostly for me, but also for you, dear void, also for you.