best words I'll ever hear

I'm not good at saying sorry.  That's just it.  Okay, well sometimes it's easy.  For example, I can easily say "I'm sorry" when I've randomly run into someone in the the busy mall.  "I'm sorry" easily rolls off the tounge when I've taken the last dessert at family dinner.  It's easy to say, "Excuse me," as I squeeze inbetween movie seats while bobbling a large popcorn and diet soda.  I can easily say, "I'm sorry, but you'll have to do your homework first before you do anything else," to the twenty pairs of eyes in my classroom five days a week.  But saying, "I'm sorry for those things I said.  I know it really hurt you and I didn't mean it."  That's hard.  It's hard to admit I'm wrong, and after I admit that to myself, I don't really want anybody else to know.  I especially don't want the person who I thought I was right with in the first place to know...sound familiar?  Or am I alone in my ways?

Maybe you can relate.  The stage in sorry I struggle with most is realizing everything I said or did in the moment was utterly, completely, wrong and the opposite of great.  The moment I realize I made someone I care about or a group of people who trust me, hurt in a way that is deep and personal, that is the momentn I dread. 

The second worst stage in saying sorry is gathering the courage to actually out-and-out say it.  So many thoughts go through my head:  How will I say this?  How can I explain what I did?  What if they don't want to listen?  What if this person is so hurt it's going to take time to heal?  What if I can't get the words out?  And worst to of all...what if they don't forgive me?

After the hours of worry have passed and the courage to say the words is just appearing, the third stage of sorry proves difficult as well:  confrontation.  Now, I have to find that person and bring it up in a conversation.  I call and leave a message.  I send an e-mail.  Finally, I do everything necessary to get that person alone and cornered just to say, "Hey, I'm really sorry for ___________________."

Finally, after all those steps, all the stuggle, all the pain, all the tossing and turning...the conversation lasts maybe 10 seconds.  "I'm so sorry I said those things."  Pause, smile, nod, and then the best words I'll ever hear, "It's okay, I forgive you."  With those three simple words, I am released of my worrry and struggle.  My feelings of guilt are gone and I'm free to be me again.  What wonderful words!  What beautiful words!  I breath a huge sigh of relief as I realize I'm not horrible in this person's eyes.  All is forgiven and I am loved...a lot...by many. 

Most improtantly, I'm loved and forgiven by a God who has disregarded my sins as never happening.  It's because of my great God that I can be fogiven by others in the first place.  The best words I'll ever hear - I forgive you.  Thank-you Jesus!

"For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” Jeremiah 31:34

confessions

i have a favorite person.
i know it isn't fair.
"don't play favorites" says, mom.
i don't care.

'cuz i have a favorite person
exactly right for me.
this person makes me laugh,
cry and see

things in a brand new light,
a way i never would.
i can joke and just be
as i never knew i could.

my favorite is genuine,
creative, neat, and smart,
knows when some thing's wrong,
and how then to sooth my heart.

so...
i have a favorite person.
and...
i know it's not fair.
but...
i have a favorite person,
and...
i'm thinkin' somewhere...
out there...

you do too!

a stronger me

It started last Friday - just a little soreness near the back of my throat and a headache.  It was nothing a little over-the-counter drug couldn’t cure.  I slept through the weekend and thought I was feeling better by Sunday.  Sunday night, that little soreness turned into a big soreness and I resolved to sleep it off.  Hitting the pillow early, I prayed for health with the sunrise.  Sunrise came and much to my disappointment, the twinge wasn’t letting go.  I dragged myself to the sink for more pain killers and bumbled off to school.

The kids could tell there was something wrong.  My voice was hoarse.  I was weak.  I taught most of the day sitting down.  By noon, I could tell I had a fever and at the day’s end, I went wild to clean-up, pack-up, and head out the door before my body said, “Throw-up!”

Home at last, barely able to swallow, I downed some tea and more ibuprophen, called the doctor and took a nap.  My nap lasted four days.   This morning, after negative results with both a strep and mono test, two antibiotic shots to the rear, a prescription of antibiotics and orders to rest, drink fluids, and take Tylenol as needed, I’m on my way back to a healthy me!

This morning, on my last day of recovery, I opened my devotional book which had gone by the wayside in my sickened stupor and read the designated text for March 2.  I was surprised to find a very fitting passage:   It’s important for believers to be tested by trials.  Without these tests, our faith would grow cold and weak.  It could eventually disappear completely.  But if we are tested with hardships, we will discover what faith is and will be strengthened in our knowledge of Christ.  We will become so strong that even when we have troubles and anxieties, we can be just as happy as we are in good times.  We can look at each hardship as if it were a cloud or a fog that will soon vanish.  -Martin Luther

This, Void, is not what we call coincidence.  This is what we call God’s will.  It was his will that I get amazingly down-and-out sick for four days.  It could have been his will I begin to feel better on the day I read this wonderfully comforting passage.  God works in all kinds of hardships.  For me, being “out of commission” for four days, was very hard to accept. 

But it was nothing compared to what you may go through every day of your life.  Perhaps you are hurting deeply inside with emotional pain.  Perhaps you endure sickness that is ongoing and has no cure.  Perhaps you have lost a dearly loved one in a sudden accident.  Perhaps you are far away from those you love the most.  Perhaps you are victim of someone else’s crime.  Perhaps you face danger day in and day out with no hope of change. 

No matter your struggle, it’s only there to make you stronger.  Again, But if we are tested with hardships, we will discover what faith is and will be strengthened in our knowledge of Christ.  How can I not look to the cross in the face of difficulty and say, “Thank-you, Jesus.”?  Perhaps it took a week of sickness for me to learn that simple truth, in times of hardship and adversity, when the rest of the world seems so foreign, my Lord is there, hugging me closer to him.

What a great God he is!