best words I'll ever hear

I'm not good at saying sorry.  That's just it.  Okay, well sometimes it's easy.  For example, I can easily say "I'm sorry" when I've randomly run into someone in the the busy mall.  "I'm sorry" easily rolls off the tounge when I've taken the last dessert at family dinner.  It's easy to say, "Excuse me," as I squeeze inbetween movie seats while bobbling a large popcorn and diet soda.  I can easily say, "I'm sorry, but you'll have to do your homework first before you do anything else," to the twenty pairs of eyes in my classroom five days a week.  But saying, "I'm sorry for those things I said.  I know it really hurt you and I didn't mean it."  That's hard.  It's hard to admit I'm wrong, and after I admit that to myself, I don't really want anybody else to know.  I especially don't want the person who I thought I was right with in the first place to know...sound familiar?  Or am I alone in my ways?

Maybe you can relate.  The stage in sorry I struggle with most is realizing everything I said or did in the moment was utterly, completely, wrong and the opposite of great.  The moment I realize I made someone I care about or a group of people who trust me, hurt in a way that is deep and personal, that is the momentn I dread. 

The second worst stage in saying sorry is gathering the courage to actually out-and-out say it.  So many thoughts go through my head:  How will I say this?  How can I explain what I did?  What if they don't want to listen?  What if this person is so hurt it's going to take time to heal?  What if I can't get the words out?  And worst to of all...what if they don't forgive me?

After the hours of worry have passed and the courage to say the words is just appearing, the third stage of sorry proves difficult as well:  confrontation.  Now, I have to find that person and bring it up in a conversation.  I call and leave a message.  I send an e-mail.  Finally, I do everything necessary to get that person alone and cornered just to say, "Hey, I'm really sorry for ___________________."

Finally, after all those steps, all the stuggle, all the pain, all the tossing and turning...the conversation lasts maybe 10 seconds.  "I'm so sorry I said those things."  Pause, smile, nod, and then the best words I'll ever hear, "It's okay, I forgive you."  With those three simple words, I am released of my worrry and struggle.  My feelings of guilt are gone and I'm free to be me again.  What wonderful words!  What beautiful words!  I breath a huge sigh of relief as I realize I'm not horrible in this person's eyes.  All is forgiven and I am loved...a lot...by many. 

Most improtantly, I'm loved and forgiven by a God who has disregarded my sins as never happening.  It's because of my great God that I can be fogiven by others in the first place.  The best words I'll ever hear - I forgive you.  Thank-you Jesus!

"For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” Jeremiah 31:34