Jerk-o-Meter

Okay, it's true.  I'm single.  I've been for awhile.  I'm okay with it, you can be too.  Recently, I've found myself dodging and darting the infamous question, "Why are you single?" The first couple times the question has no effect.  Most times the question makes me laugh quietly to myself.  You see, nobody goes around asking anybody, "Why are you married?" After several different people, from all walks of life find reason to ask these ever so exasperating four words, a girl begins to wonder herself, "Why AM I single?"

You won't be surprised to hear it doesn't take long for me to come up with an answer.  To the questioners I reply with something light-hearted, "Oh, I'm not single, I'm choosy!"  or "I've never been efficient, I don't plan to start." or "Well, it's like this, I see it one of two ways.  I can have single girl problems, or I can have married girl problems.  Either way, I'll have problems.  Right now, I like this kind."  [That last one I can't take credit for.  It's from a book I was recently gifted - Even God is Single (so stop giving me a hard time). by Karen Salmansohn.]

But at home, in the quiet of my own thoughts the truth is made aware.  Is it because of the series of failed relationships I've been in?  Is it my tremendous decision making skills?  Do I just have an unrivaled amount of bad luck?  Perhaps I'm cursed.  No, it don't think it's any of those things.  I have a strong feeling my singleness is due to a highly-trained and super-sensitive Jerk-o-Meter.

After countless bad dates, months of mayhem, a few too many one-minute conversations, and unwanted sideways glances, I've become a serious weeding machine.  It's not that I don't want to be with someone, it's that the pickings are slim.  Lucky for me, the Jerk-o-Meter never lies.  I just turn it on, scan the surface, begin listening, and then wait for the light.  Green light means go ahead.  Red light means stop.  It's that simple.  No buttons to push.  No games to play.  It's either red or green.  No in between.  No maybes.  None of this, "I'm just not sure."  Best of all, no time wasted.  Once red has been spotted I turn off the meter and go looking elsewhere.  The Jerk-o-Meter is the way to go.  What a handy feature!

I have to be honest with you, Void, the Jerk-o-Meter, although Grandmother-tested and Father-approved, is not faultless.  It needs a back-up.  After the Jerk-o-Meter has done it's job, another meter kicks into gear.   The Match-o-Meter.  The Match-o-Meter is only needed when the Jerk-o-Meter has given the green light.  It's not often a girl meets a non-jerk.  When she does, she'd like for it to work.  For me, all too often the Jerk-o-Meter gives the green light but the Match-o-Meter illumines red.  Ultimately, not one but two meters need to shine green.  Two green lights, that's what I'm looking for.

So, question:  "Why am I single?"  Answer:  Daily Double.  I'm waiting for the second green light.